I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize