just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
