i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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