After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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