I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize