I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
