just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
