I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
