i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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