Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We need to rekindle our bromance
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
