Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
