Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
