Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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