So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
