You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
