from now on my penis is your penis
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
