I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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