I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
