New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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