Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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