im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
