i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
