I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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