he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize