Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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