I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
