I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
be right there i have to get my cape
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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