Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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