he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
