toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
