the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
