I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
