Already got asked if we're dating
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
