the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
