Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
