Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
