Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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