Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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