your thong is hanging out like whoa
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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