You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
