she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
