Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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