He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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