The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
