oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
