hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
