My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
