he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
