Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
