apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
