I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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