quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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