I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
