made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Randomize