ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
