she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Nah, weβre just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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