Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
