The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
