Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my being single is dangerous.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
