Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
