Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
