Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
