Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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