The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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