is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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