i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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