My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
