I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
